Smell the Fart Acting...

Well. I don't know how else to say this other than to come out and be open. I'm not pregnant! SO get over yourself. If I wanted to have another baby, I would. Right now is not the ideal time for me.

My mind has been far off in a gutter lately. I don't know if it's the weather changing again or it's me trying to piece together this crazy life.

This is kind of off topic but I don't think you will mind.

I found out this past week that the first boyfriend I ever had, proposed to a girl. I wouldn't exactly call it jealousy, more of a .. well, hell, I don't know. Not that I could ever imagine myself with him now. I was young then. Made questionable choices when I dated. I guess it's natural to wonder "What if?..." No, it's not healthy but natural.

Let me tell you. If you ever need a good 'Life-Lesson' talk or a math/financial lecture, you can call my step dad. Earlier today he was spitting out numbers as if I was supposed to be keeping up. Um Hello dude! Math wasn't exactly my strength in high school. I didn't have the heart to interrupt him and request a calculator. So... I did what I do best; tried a little bit of "smell-the-fart" acting and made it look like I gave a rat's backside. There's just something thrilling about letting him think he's teaching me something. HA.

All the money talk has got me wired.
I'll admit, we are broke.
No lie.

I might just have to pay for gas tomorrow with the money out of Kyleigh's piggy jar. But, I always find a way to stretch those pennies.

Chris called me today at work and asked if I had a large amount of money to spare.

*pause for laughter.

We really want to move to Keller and there is an opportunity for us to jump on the ball right now. (Not in 10 months from now)- though that is my dad's argument.
Chris has a friend at work who is looking to rent her house out.

Um. Duh.
My mind is already made up. This is not "Sophie's Choice." As far as I'm concerned, we are gathering moving boxes.

No kidding it will be hard. I'm well aware.
Newsflash... I'm 26. Not 16. I can handle it people.

Wheeewww... *sigh
Got that out of the way.

This morning at work I went down stairs to get a coke from the vending machine. I was greeted with a man whom I can only guess was either really friendly or extremely stoned.

He asked me how old I was. (He looked mid-thirty) Before I could reply, he said, "the third grade did me wrong." Yikes. For a minute there I was trying to think if I had asked him about his elementary experience...

They walk among us.

To whom it may concern;

What is the point of having a yellow light for people to slow down when the ass behind me revs his engine up and hits my back end?
If I weren’t a “good” girl, I would’ve jumped out and given him a piece of my mind. But… I’m scared of confrontation with strangers. I think I’ll keep the peace for now.

WHAT A WEEKEND!?!
I took Ky to the lake this weekend. It was filled with relaxation stations and cool breezes. HA! Yea right! Like I’ve said before, she loves the lake. I, however, couldn’t wait to get back to reality. There was definitely a part of me that wanted to get home sooner than my three and a half foot counterpart.
I wish I could be in high school again. Well, sometimes. The most vivid memory right now is one of my mom chasing my car down the driveway and jumping threw my car window. She was PSYCHO! She was mad at me for talking back to her. I pray that my child is not as bad as I was. If so… Lord help me.

The day after the storm...

I think I will attempt to go out of the house today. You would think that there was a massive shift in the earth's axis that caused this crazy weather this past week. Ky's daycare has been closed since Tuesday. Ummm Hello!!!?! Don't they understand that this kid is driving me nuts?!

I'd like to believe the roads have cleared (enough) for my truck. I have to admit that I've enjoyed saving money on gas this past week. However, I think that I probably would still have my sanity if I could have made it in to work a little more. On Monday it was 60 degrees outside. By Tuesday morning it was 20 and dropping with ice on the ground. Welcome to Texas.

I would like to say that I got a lot of things accomplished this week. I would be lying. I ran out of things to cook and clean so we'll say I just spent the rest of the time chilling (no pun intended). I didn't have a chance to write at all either, despite all efforts exhausted.

Kyleigh asked me this morning if she could not go back to school. HAHA... oh kids say the darnedest things. I just smiled and nodded...

I will never be a stay at home mom.
Yall have a good weekend! Stay warm...

Weekend Wrapup...

BOOM!

That’s what my head feels like today. It is not often that I drink for the sole purpose of getting drunk. However, this past weekend I made an exception and went out on a limb. A very long limb. Saturday was a great night. I don’t have many nights like those. Let’s just say I’m feeling ill but I can’t wait to do it again… don’t ask.

Don’t worry. My daughter went with her Grammy and Papa to their lake house. I might have a few wild nights every once and a while but rest assured that my child is taken care of before the wildness begins.

She loves the lake. I think she would rather be there with them than be at home with me. I think they like having her there too. It’s just an added bonus that I can venture out without her every once and a while.

I passed up a night out with my co-workers on Friday. I can’t say that I’m all too happy about it. I absolutely love hanging out with them but had some stuff to take care of. My kid comes first.

Over the years I have enjoyed getting to know who they are outside of our busy work environment. I like being able to let loose and talk about things other than child support mumbo jumbo. I am thankful that I have family at work that I have been able to build relationships with. Yes, sometimes those relationships are had over an ice cold Corona or a jager-bomb but that’s alright with me. I think our next “family outing” will be a Karaoke night! Can’t wait!

Even after an exciting albeit somewhat tiring weekend, I feel accomplished and well satisfied. How was your weekend?

Stay Tuned…

A Break....

I need a break.... from a lot of things. I know what you are thinking. Explain. I just can't quite put it into words. There are not enough to express the love for my daughter. Miss Kyleigh Paige is 3 1/2 and her attitude justifies her age...

I love her beyond belief. Yes, she gets on my nerves sometimes. But I wouldn't trade her for anyone one else. The other day she was arguing with me and I asked her if she would like a spanking or if she would like me to sell her on eBay.... She kept crying and said, "Mommy, please don't sell me on eBay?!" I'm sure she doesn't even know what eBay is....

When I was growing up, even through high school and college, my mom always told me that she prayed every night for God to let me have a daughter that would be just like me. Well my friends, he answered her prayer. As much as I would like to think otherwise, Ky is EXACTLY like me in every way. Sometimes it's cute; other times I wish I could turn back time and make myself not so stubborn. This morning I had to pop her on the bottom and for the rest of the hour, she said I was 'NOT her best friend!'

Even though some days I could pull my hair out, my world would be incomplete without her.

This past week I had a dream that someone was making me give her up for adoption. Now, this wasn't an adoption where I had her and the adoption took place when she was a baby. No. Someone made me give her up for adoption at the age she is now.

I can't describe the noise of the screaming as they were taking her away from me. She was kicking, screaming, and crying for me. This is not something that I wanted to do, even in my dream. I cried as if my world was ending. The woman that was taking her told me that she would keep in touch with me and send me updates on how she was doing. Yet she never did. I waited for hours and still heard nothing. The next day the lady returned to my house with Kyleigh in tow. She had all of her bags still packed as if she was returning an unwanted item bought at a garage sale. She told me that she really couldn't handle her so I should take her back. What a relief...


After I woke up from this nightmare I went and got Ky and brought her to my bed. I vowed from that day on that I won't joke about selling my kid.... I'll save the comedy for people who are not my offspring...

Randomness

I can't believe it has been so long since I've blogged... I'm hoping to be more successful at it this year.


There are many things that I wished I could have completed in 2010.


I would love to get further along with my book. I seem to get going on a good roll and then end up getting serious writer's block. There are just so many directions to point the characters in. I sometimes wonder how authors create such intriguing characters and evolve such adventurous stories. Hopefully, I will write something that people will enjoy reading.

My best friend moved back to Texas (temporarily) in December. I hate that I haven't had a chance to make a trip to see her. She has two of the most precious babies that I DO consider my nephews; even if we technically don't share the same blood. They will forever be in my life.

I think I would like to sing again. No, not just in the shower. Music used to be my passion in life. Now it seems as though that passion has faded and I'm a fuddy-duddy. I'd like to think I still have the voice to sing. Maybe, maybe not... who knows?

I would LOVE to be a standup comedian. Though people might think otherwise... Either that or a clown... HA...

In 2011, I would like to see more of my friends.

I want to experience things that are outside of my dreams. If you've read any of my previous blogs, my dreams are wacky fo-sho!

I guess that's a short one for my return....

Stay tuned....

Long time coming...

I know what you're thinking... I haven't spelt out my feelings in a good while. I'm not quite sure where to begin. It would be exhilarating to think that after all this time I can honestly say that happiness is in my core. However, I have not been feeling quite up to par for some time now. There are some things going on in this life of mine that have my head spinning in a million different directions. It's like a bad episode of "Married with Children." All of the immediate details to be released at a later date.


I constantly find myself asking the question, "Why me? Is this some kind of punishment? Am I being tested? Would it be better to hurl myself off of a diving board into deep waters?" (No no... these are not suicidal thoughts) Just contemplations, if you will.


Have you ever stood in an empty room, stretched your hands as far as they would go, closed your eyes, and stepped outside of your body? I mean really examine your life and it's purpose. Why is it that I work here? Or why is it that my body goes through the same motions every day and I can't figure out why I can't find time in life for modifications? It's not like the earth will be thrown off its axis if I change. It's not like I'm not an adult who will run from the possible consequences.


Have you ever asked yourself a question that you already know the answer to? I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. Every time... I give myself the same answer. This should be a sign.


So... for now I'm going to pray for guidance.


.....Sneak Peak at my book (Untitled):

I always knew coming back to this place was a mistake. However it was altogether inevitable. There are just things in my life that need adjusting and the time has come to face the grueling reality that this is where I stand. On my own. Alone. I'm not really sure what that means anymore. It's hard to cope with an ever changing lifestyle and adhere to my own moral character's plea. I do know one thing for sure; whatever direction I'm headed in, I'm going to need a map.

Stay tuned....