Long time coming...

I know what you're thinking... I haven't spelt out my feelings in a good while. I'm not quite sure where to begin. It would be exhilarating to think that after all this time I can honestly say that happiness is in my core. However, I have not been feeling quite up to par for some time now. There are some things going on in this life of mine that have my head spinning in a million different directions. It's like a bad episode of "Married with Children." All of the immediate details to be released at a later date.


I constantly find myself asking the question, "Why me? Is this some kind of punishment? Am I being tested? Would it be better to hurl myself off of a diving board into deep waters?" (No no... these are not suicidal thoughts) Just contemplations, if you will.


Have you ever stood in an empty room, stretched your hands as far as they would go, closed your eyes, and stepped outside of your body? I mean really examine your life and it's purpose. Why is it that I work here? Or why is it that my body goes through the same motions every day and I can't figure out why I can't find time in life for modifications? It's not like the earth will be thrown off its axis if I change. It's not like I'm not an adult who will run from the possible consequences.


Have you ever asked yourself a question that you already know the answer to? I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. Every time... I give myself the same answer. This should be a sign.


So... for now I'm going to pray for guidance.


.....Sneak Peak at my book (Untitled):

I always knew coming back to this place was a mistake. However it was altogether inevitable. There are just things in my life that need adjusting and the time has come to face the grueling reality that this is where I stand. On my own. Alone. I'm not really sure what that means anymore. It's hard to cope with an ever changing lifestyle and adhere to my own moral character's plea. I do know one thing for sure; whatever direction I'm headed in, I'm going to need a map.

Stay tuned....

A world of Crazy....

I know that I have touched on my crazy dreams that flood my sleep. It shouldn't surprise you that the other night I almost pulled a stunt to be considered for admittance to a mental facility....

I had fallen asleep early and I woke up about an hour later. As I opened my eyes, I noticed something that appeared to be a huge spider on the wall. Instead of freaking out and grabbing a shoe for termination, I decided to throw my body on the wall (as if I was spiderman) and come face to face with the insect. I can only imagine that I was dreaming at first and then I woke up in the middle of being plastered to my bedroom wall. It took me a minute or two to realize that there was no spider and that I needed to get a grip and come back to reality.

Note to self: You are NOT spider man. If you try to climb up your wall, you are a moron. And yes, you deserve the bruise on your knee for thinking otherwise.

You would think that I take some kind of crazy medicine that causes these endless dreams. But no drugs being taken here. Although, sometimes it does seem as though I have ingested some form of LSD. I can't think of any other answer to it. Hmmm... or maybe I need to see a shrink... YIKES!